What is attachment theory?
Attachment can simply be thought of as our emotional connections—or bonds—to others. Attachment theory is scientific theory, like gravity and evolution! Theories help us explain natural phenomena. Attachment theory is a biological, psychological and social theory that is applied to relationships. Attachment is a necessary part in the development of social animals, including we humans, to aid in our survival because we live in groups and rely on each other. Social animals are learning animals; we learn through socialisation how to bond with those in our group to meet our survival needs. We humans bond well when we are taught: 1) positive self-belief (stories about ourselves), 2) how to meet our needs, 3) how to regulate our emotions, 4) how to set healthy boundaries, 5) effective communication skills, and 6) healthy coping strategies. These are the six components of IAT™. This is how we learn how to care for each other deeply in ways that are meaningful to us as individuals. When these parts are in place, we are able to cope together with life’s inevitable challenges.
What is secure attachment?
Secure attachment happens when people learn how to bond in healthy ways with others, allowing the different parts of themselves to grow and mature. People who are securely attached generally have a strong self-belief and are comfortable in relationships with friends, family, romantic partners and others. They are good at communicating vulnerably about their feelings, needs and boundaries. As a result, they feel open to being their True Self in their relationships, which enables them to form deep, meaningful connections. Even so, securely attached people may have very good relationships with many people, yet struggle with others. Securely attached people may also have some parts of themselves that are insecure, and feel they need help.
What is insecure attachment?
When there are parts of ourselves that stopped growing and maturing, this is what’s known as “arrested development”. When many parts of ourselves don’t fully develop, we become insecurely attached to others. This is due to gaps in our learning about how to bond healthily when we were growing up, and/or due to trauma in childhood and/or adulthood. When we are insecurely attached, we hold limiting subconscious beliefs about ourselves. We don’t fully yet know our feelings, needs or boundaries, and how to communicate these in healthy ways. We therefore struggle in the relationship to ourselves, and in our relationships with others.
What are the three main insecure attachment styles?
For people with Anxious Preoccupied attachment style, relationships can often make you feel anxious, unsafe or insecure because you likely have a subconscious fear of abandonment. As a result, you seek more closeness in your relationships, and can feel afraid if you sense a loved one is pulling away. For Dismissive Avoidants, intense emotions can feel overwhelming and can cause you to pull away from others. You may find yourself withdrawing from arguments or triggering situations. This need for independence can cause challenges in your relationships and inner conflict for you, because deep down, you want to connect with others. Fearful Avoidants share similar experiences as both the Anxiously and Dismissively attached styles. For them, relationships can feel chaotic, confusing and overwhelming because you swing between being avoidant and anxious. Depending on the relationship, you can shift between being "hot and cold," often feeling confused about your feelings.
What is Integrated Attachment Theory™ (IAT™)?
IAT™ picks up at the point where arrested development happened. It helps integrate all the parts of ourselves by drawing on our strengths—where we were allowed to grow and mature—and healing those parts of us that weren’t allowed to do so. This therapeutic approach draws together over a dozen psychological and therapeutic approaches, including CBT, Jungian shadow work, core wound healing and narrative therapy. With IAT™, you will first repair the relationship you have with yourself. You will improve your self-belief by compassionately challenging—and rewriting!—subconscious stories you hold about yourself, allowing you to become—and ultimately love—who you truly are. You will learn to regulate your own emotions, meet your own needs and set healthy boundaries with yourself. This will enable you to develop healthier coping skills, and to feel more comfortable in your own skin and more fulfilled in your life. You will then learn how to better communicate, by sharing your emotions, needs and boundaries with others, AND by listening to their emotions, needs and boundaries. You will be better able to care for others in your life and to be cared for by them, creating more harmony in all your relationships and communities. IAT™ was developed by Thais Gibson through the Personal Development School.
What is IAT™ coaching?
Integrated Attachment Theory™ (IAT™) coaching is a therapeutic approach to healing relationships. It is not a talking therapy. With IAT™ coaching, you will feel immediate change after each session! You will be empowered to become more aware of your subconscious attachment patterns and to feel more whole, connected and cherished. Using practical tools, you will be supported in transforming your subconscious beliefs, thoughts, emotions and behaviours. At the end of your IAT™ coaching programme, you will feel better equipped to continue the healing process on your own as you improve how you relate to yourself and to other people in the moment.
What is the IAT™ programme?
Integrated Attachment Theory™ (IAT™) draws together six key components—shown through clinical research—that are needed to connect more deeply and meaningfully with the self and others. In IAT™ we learn skills in: 1) Improving our self-belief (i.e. subconscious stories we hold) 2) Meeting our needs so we feel more fulfilled 3) Regulating our emotions when we are upset 4) Setting healthy boundaries to feel safe and connected 5) Communicating better with others 6) Coping strategies to deal with life’s challenges in healthier ways.